Question: I am an 11th grade boy. In my sophomore year I was very overweight. I took control and lost 50 pounds (and still counting). Is this something I could write about in my college applications?
Congratulations for achieving what many attempt but often fail to do. You should be very proud of your accomplishment. And yes, this could indeed be something you could write about in a college application. Once youâ€™ve compiled your list of target colleges, you may find that allâ€”or at least mostâ€”of them will have a broad essay-question option along the lines of â€œDescribe a significant experienceâ€ or â€œTell us something about yourself that the rest of your application doesnâ€™t,â€ and your weight-loss would certainly fill the bill.
Of course, you need to keep in mind that how you write will be far more important to admission committees than what you write about. Your topic has potential, but you need to approach it in an interesting way. For instance, here are two potential beginnings:
1. Of all my achievements in my life so far, I would have to say that I am proudest of the fact that I was able to lose 50 pounds since my sophomore year.
2.The digital clock on the night table glowed â€œ2:17.â€ My parentsâ€™ room across the hall was dark and silent; my brother breathed evenly in the bunk above me; but downstairs in the kitchen, a box of Twinkies called out my name. I refused to answer.
The second option clearly has more pizzazz than the first and will catch an admission officerâ€™s attention at first glance. Obviously, you want to write in your own voice, but do try to be creative in your approach. Be wary of clichÃ© conclusions like, â€œNow that Iâ€™ve lost weight, I know I can do anything I set my mind to.â€ Admission officers will be able to read between the lines and get that message, but avoid the urge to throw it in their faces.
One other thing you probably want to avoid, too, is suggesting through your essay that weight loss has become such a focus for you that itâ€™s taken over your life. Frankly, if you were a girl, admission committees reading a weight-loss essay might be concerned about signs of anorexia. Since that condition is far less common among boys, they may not worry about it in your case, butâ€”nonethelessâ€”you want to make the point that youâ€™ve achieved something significant that took great determination but without implying that it has eclipsed all your other interests and goals.
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Personal Narrative Losing Weight Essay
Personal Narrative Losing Weight
I know I should lose weight. It requires a lot of perseverance that I one time had and need to find again. Many of the reasons I should lose weight are very clear to me. I have read many articles and have heard what my doctor has told me. I lost over forty pounds about three years ago, unfortunately, I gained it back two fold when I was pregnant with my daughter. I still have not been able to get rid of this weight since she was born. Sometimes it causes me to get tired just from going to the grocery store. I also found out in September of last year that I have hypertension (high blood pressure) which effected my vision drastically by the following November. Other problems are social such as the way some people look at me in public and the way I view myself. Three the possible effects of losing weight would be gaining energy, better health, and having a better physical appearance.
One of the immediate effects of losing weight for anyone is usually gaining energy. When I get that extra boost of energy that I have not felt in a while, it is a most wonderful experience. I am able to get things done at home that I have been procrastinating about for weeks and sometimes months. It would be marvelous to have that driving force almost everyday just because I lost some weight. Without a doubt, I would use the extra energy to exercise so I could lose more weight and gain more energy. There are so many things that I would love to do with my family, but I only have so much stamina to do them now. I do not spend enough time with my friends either because I am too tired to go anywhere and do anything with them. Right now, it is only a dream of mine to feel energetic most of the day. I wish I had the willpower to obtain my goal of losing weight, so I can be energetic.
The most important effect of losing weight for me is being able to obtain better health. Currently I must take a pill every day in order to keep my hypertension under control. Since I am not fond of taking medication, I would not miss taking it if losing weight would get rid of my hypertension all together. If I forget to take my pill first thing in the morning, I begin to get headaches and start feeling a little edgy by noon. My doctor is in the opinion that my weight is the main cause of my high blood pressure. I also began to have problems with my eyesight almost immediately after I learned I had hypertension. My vision began to get blurry and I felt pressure behind my eyes that scared me greatly. I had to get a much stronger prescription for my contact lenses and now have to return to my eye doctor to have my eyes tested every six months. My optometrist tells me that it is possible to...
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